Leap and love will catch you

I lay awake at night

Can’t seem to stop the stream of tears that cascade down my cheeks

Questions and doubts fill my thoughts

And I feel a scream rising up from the bowels of my being

Confusion replaces confidence

As the uncertainty of tomorrow reveals itself

A gesture left unstirred, untaken

Burns deeply in the soul from which it was offered

Rationalizations swarm the parameters of the desperation

Attempts to harvest a barrier result in foolish mockery

You can feel it. You can want it. You can hope for it.

But you can’t lose what you’ve never really had

I understand that now more than ever

We make it into something it never was, not wanting to see it for what it really is, just because we are too afraid to admit that it could never be what we had hoped it would turn into.

But do I truly believe it was never mine, not even a flicker of spark was for me alone to own?

And so the sadness beckons and the healing must begin

As the pain proves to be the one prevailing constant – it is always the same

Even as the sorrow leaks from my eyes, I am reminded of a faint hope of what could one day be mine again.

For now the loneliness echoes in my head and my body hungers for a touch that will not come tonight

Yet I am still unafraid to feel, unafraid to trust, unafraid to love

So thankful for those precious few moments where I was once again reminded

Of what it’s like to let yourself be loved, no matter what

I have loved from my soul and I have loved with great magnitudes of strength, commitment and desire.

And that love once crushed me.

Living in that fear serves me no purpose. For now I know I can survive love at any level.

I will leap….and love will catch me.